On Authenticity

Every now and again, someone tells me that I am intimidating. Not physically, mind you; after all, I’m about as physically intimidating as an angry kumquat. But, intimidating nonetheless.

I wonder, sometimes, if this comes from the fact that I tend to be (and try to be) a very straightforward, honest person. I do my best to be kind, but I also don’t pull any punches when I’m speaking with people. Mostly because I just can’t stand the whole read-between-the-lines social facade that most people insist on hiding behind.

Because I am many things, but I am no stereotypical “delicate flower” no matter how many floral dresses I wear. I am nobody’s princess, or baby, or doll, or whatever. I’m not looking for someone to save me, or take care of me, or pay my way.

I’m just me. Looking for someone to connect with.

It’s funny, I’ve gone on a few first dates this week, and I’ve mentioned in conversation that I try to live by a specific idea:

Modesty is wasted on your doctor.

After a few raised eyebrows, I explain. Hiding your body from your doctor, whose job is very specifically to observe and understand your body. Rather ineffective, no?

On a wider scale, it means that as much as I default to being a very private person, well versed in the skills of evading personal questions and carrying on a friendly conversation in which I reveal almost nothing relevant about myself, there are some situations in which that’s exceptionally ineffective. Like, say, dating.

So I don’t put up much pretense on a first date. I’m looking for someone who likes me – the me that I am, not the me that I think they might maybe want me to mold myself into. I happen to think that I’m a pretty swell lady, some of the fellas even seem to agree.

Needless to say, this strategy weeds out a lot of potential suitors.

On the other hand, the one’s who are still interested after meeting my fairly uncensored self, well, they at least know what they’re signing up for.

I had a particularly pleasant first date this past weekend.
Very honest.
Very authentic.
Very… unexpected (those of you following my adventures regularly may recall a Tai Chi class for which I was rather unprepared…)

It’s funny, the way the stars align sometimes. Just this week, my favorite not-a-real-doctor posted an article on authenticity and dating. Way to be on point with my life Nerdlove.


Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

Neil Gaiman (The Sandman)

Learning Experience

You know how sometimes you go on a date, and it goes really well, and you end up in a Tai Chi class the next morning wondering how you got there and thinking that maybe a skirt wasn’t the wisest fashion move today?


Huh. Must just be me, then.