… but time, my friends, is not.
I had a lovely discussion recently with JS about the boundless, limitless nature of love, and the joys of building connections with people without limitations. It is a wonderful thing to enter into a relationship (any relationship: romantic, sexual, platonic) without boundaries, without expectations, with the freedom to let your connection grow naturally and evolve in ways that both people find comfortable and exciting.
As per usual, he was quick to rein in my runaway optimism and point out that limitless love does not, in fact, create limitless time. Because there are, in fact, only so many hours in the day, and, as it turns out, being open to the infinite possibilities of each connection does not actually create more time in which to explore those possibilities.
So, how does one balance the dichotomy of limitless love and finite time? How does one judge which connections deserve one’s precious minutes, hours, and days? How much sparkle does there need to be to follow up with a second coffee or a third dinner? How often does one need to go out (or simply communicate) to keep the momentum of a friendship or romance fresh and active?
I think that there are no straightforward answers when it comes to how much time is enough with someone. People tend to gravitate toward spending more time with those whom they connect with more strongly, perhaps feeling less drive to spend lots of time with less intense connections. I think that, more important than measuring the count of the hours or minutes, one should focus on the quality of that time, on cherishing the moments that one gets to spend with friends and family and lovers.
Decide who is important in your life and make time for them. Everyone is busy. Busy is no excuse. Manage yourself and find time to connect. Go to dinner with a friend. Go to coffee with your brother. Call your grandmother. Set a video date with someone out of state/country. Don’t forget to take a night for yourself.
Time is finite. Maximize your time and thrive on the wonder of limitless love.